I remember from my time working full time in a school that I always found the time leading up to Christmas holidays would be the most challenging. Personally, and professionally. I had the usual end of term fatigue, a dislike of the shorter days, the stresses of making a bizarre nativity costume for my kids, and the pressure of trying to create happy Christmas Day for family. But when I got to the last week, counting the hours till we finished, there were always more student demands on my time. There seemed to be more fights, more disruptive behaviours more distressed behaviours. The last day was the worst. Instead of being able to eat chocolate gifts from parents and attend the staff drinks with obligatory Lidl mince pies, I was dealing with distressed students. Every year this happened and, stupidly on my part, I was always surprised by it.
Now, being more experienced and after achieving a variety of mental health qualifications, I understand why and I’m hoping to pass on some information to help you be prepared. Simply put, Christmas can be an awful time for many children and emotionally overwhelming. The fact that adults, who experienced distressing Christmases as children, still don’t like Christmas (clearly the memories linger for a long time) should help us understand the power of a traumatic Christmas. The way many children, and adults to be honest, communicate this is through disruptive behaviour.
We all know that Christmas isn’t enjoyed by everyone but how much do we actually acknowledge and think about that. For children whose home environment means alcoholism, domestic violence, poverty, Christmas is not an enjoyable time. Perhaps there are key people absent because of bereavement, relationship breakdowns, or a parent in jail. Christmas doesn’t represent joy for everybody. Christmas is also different from other school holidays. The weather is usually cold and wet so escaping outside with friends is difficult. Many other places they can go are closed for Christmas. There are also reminders of ‘Christmas Joy’ everywhere – usually from November 1st. I was waiting in Ikea restaurant queue the other day and they played the first lines of we wish you a merry Christmas as a timer indication that food was ready. After 10 minutes of queuing I was ready to throw a complete hissy fit. The staff assured me their brains were able to block it out after a while.
We also know that overwhelming emotions don’t always display as distress, they can also present as fight or flight. The more adversity faced by a child the more likely they are to find self-regulation of emotions difficult, for psychological and biological reasons. Being unable to manage difficult emotions, or express them, means that there is a build up of stress and anxiety. This often manifests as fight or flight – hence the disruptive behaviour. Fight doesn’t always mean physical aggression; it can also mean verbal aggression. It can also lead up to self-harm as a way of managing these difficult emotions – increased alcohol abuse or even picking a fight with someone bigger – which are both forms of self-harm.
So how can we prepare and deal with it – professionally and personally. Well, first of all understanding and empathising will improve how we support distressed students. Our mindset is important. Rather than just being irritated by poor behaviour and personalising it, take the challenging behaviour as a compliment – being distressed at the thought of not being in school means that school is a safe place for them. That’s a good thing. Well done.
Secondly, we need to look at how much we acknowledge Christmas isn’t an enjoyable time for everyone. Assemblies, tutor time, PHSE should discuss why for some people Christmas isn’t great and emphasise that that’s ok. Nothing to be ashamed of not liking Christmas.
If we are aware of the vulnerable students for whom Christmas is not enjoyable, we should ensure we spend time with them talking about Christmas, allowing them to express their feelings without judgement, what are they specifically worried about and what strategies they can use to help manage their emotions. When we see disruptive behaviour in the last week of term, have conversations about feelings and emotions around Christmas. Try to be more considerate.
Finally, we need to prepare ourselves. We can be winding down but still expect emotional distress from students. Be prepared for it. Have a plan of how you are going to support students in distress. Educate other staff to also be prepared and understanding. What we must make sure of is that students still feel school is a safe place for them to come back to in the new year. All too often their only safe space. Also, be careful of the expectations you place on yourself. Nativity costumes don’t have to be of The Sewing Bee standard. Buying ready made cauliflower cheese isn’t cheating. And being irritated by family is to be expected.
Thanks for reading.